Broken Together

Coming off my last blog all about fantasy - and today being Valentine's Day - I thought this might be a good time to talk about marriage as an empty nester.  

Now don't roll your eyes and turn me off! This isn't a lesson on good marriages or a typical love story - this is a perspective that I have just heard about and realized after all these years it's the only perspective!  Here's my story...

In the beginning there was a handsome boy and an adorable fair haired girl.   They were skinny, and shy, and their friends decided they should hook up...

So they did...but they weren't ready so they broke up...



Then, years later, they decided on their own that they would try again...this time they fell in love...and they were together for 6 blissful years...

Then they got married.  The first year of marriage was horrible - how could two people know so little about each other after dating for 6 years?  Marriage was so permanent.  Their mindset changed. 

But they stuck it out - it took mental and emotional work which brought great blessing - and the second year was much better.  Even comfortable.  And still pretty blissful.  And it was good. 

As time rolled on they had many ups and downs.  And they learned a lot about each other.  They cared for each other - and they hurt each other.  They had many loving moments - and many arguments.  They said nice things to each other - and they said mean things to each other.  They still learned much about each other as sharing a life revealed the deepest assets and the deepest flaws that each possessed.  Living day in and day out took even more difficult mental and emotional work - which brought amazing and wonderful blessings, and it was good.    


As they became more comfortable they would sometimes become careless about their relationship though - taking for granted that each would always be there for the other no matter what...then they had children.  They looked forward to the bliss of little ones.  

The children changed things all together.  It was a good thing they stayed strong and kept the marriage going - because this bliss revealed even more sides of each other that they were not aware of.  Some lovely - some awful.  So awful in fact that it was sometimes difficult to stay with it.  But we made a promise to each other right?  

Now, there came a time after many seasons, many heartbreaks, many hurtful and exhausting moments, some within the marriage and some without - there came a time when they both realized that some things can't be fixed.  Accepting those things took difficult mental and emotional work - and that's the only way they reached a happily ever after.  

Then they realized that they could be together, that they could still go places without each other and still be confident in their commitment to one another (that's important too), they could look at each other and know the journey they have traveled together was hard, but so so worth it.  They have built a life together.  And though they walked through some ugly things, they did it together, and they survived - together- and now this life they have built is not perfect, but perfect  for them.  


I heard this song by Casting Crowns the other day called "Broken Together".  I almost stopped the car and screamed - "that's us!"  

This song talks about how to get your happily ever after.  Some things are part of us forever - scars that never completely close - faults that will always be a part of us.  So why can't we just be broken together?  We are who we are, for better or for worse.  

What do you think about when you look at me
I know were not the fairytale you dreamed wed be
You wore the veil, you walked the aisle, you took my hand
And we dove into a mystery

How I wish we could go back to simpler times
Before all our scars and all our secrets were in the light
Now on this hallowed ground, weve drawn the battle lines
Will we make it through the night

Its going to take much more than promises this time
Only God can change our minds

Maybe you and I were never meant to be complete
Could we just be broken together
If you can bring your shattered dreams and Ill bring mine
Could healing still be spoken and save us
The only way we'll last forever is broken together

How it must have been so lonely by my side
We were building kingdoms and chasing dreams and left love behind
Im praying God will help our broken hearts align
And we wont give up the fight

God will help our broken hearts align.  Broken together.  

Everybody Needs a Little Fantasy

Empty nesting for me has sometimes become an inward journey of who I am and why I am the way I am.  I have begun to realize that I have always had the same core likes and dislikes.  Although we do change, some things just don't.   What I'm really trying to say is that I wish we could realize our core selves earlier in life.  

For instance, I have always loved to read.  Especially fantasy.  When I was small I always leaned toward the epic, historical, medieval kind of fantasy.  And unlike a typical little girl, I wasn't always drawn to the king or the queen or the prince or the princess.  No, I was always amazed by the trolls and the fairies and the creatures - be them good or evil.  The weirder they were, the better I liked it.  I have always been drawn to the darker side of things.  I sometimes like stories with a little dark in them - maybe it's because the creatures and the landscape are so interesting.  The landscape - how magnificent.  It can be anything - anything at all.  

I know many people, most of my friends and family in fact, who prefer realism.  It has to seem real - like real life situations - something relate-able to real life.  Maybe that's why there are so many reality tv shows, although I do notice more and more fantasy films coming out.  Well, for me - I get enough real all day long.  If I'm going to curl up and get into a good movie or especially a book - take me away.  Take me away to a place that only fantasy can take me. 

Now, I am kind of picky about my fantasy.  I'm not a lover of science fiction.  I'm not really all that into superheroes.  And - dare I say it - I'm not a Dr. Who fan.  (ok, it's out there - don't be hatin').  In my defense, I'm going to get on Netflix and "give it a go" - again.

I mean BBC is one of my all time favorites.  I love British fantasy and especially the "Merlin" series. I definately prefer that to Dr. Who.  (tentative smile) 

I teach a teen girls Sunday School class and one of the questions I always ask them just to get to know them better is "if you could live in any decade, which one would it be?"  One of the girls wrote "well this one of course, otherwise I would be upsetting the time continuum".  Obviously, this girl is a fan of Dr. Who.    

We had a talk about fantasy vs. realism in my Writer's Class the other day.  I liked the point that we left on - really - all stories are fantasy in one way or another.  Even if they're true, they are either exaggerated or emphasized or twisted just enough to make them more interesting.  

The 1980's was a true renaissance period for fantasy flicks.  Check these out and let me know how many of them you have seen or read.  My favorites are

"The Dark Crystal" 1982 Jim Hensen/Frank Oz
The Gelflings had amazing hair...

  How can you not love those musical mystics? 

Obviously - "The Neverending Story"  1984 screenplay by Wolfgang Peterson originating from Michael Ende's 1979 novel.

Aww - come Falcor, come on boy - how adorable is he?  And he can fly!!  And he will give you a ride! 

"Legend" 1985 by Ridley Scott 
Tom Cruize starred in this darker side fantasy.  I wouldn't recommend this for younger viewers but it's an amazing fantasy flick.  Look!  A unicorn!  Who doesn't love a real-life unicorn?  

One of my all-time favorites and a classic among fantasy lovers "Labrynth"  1986 Jim Henson starring David Bowie.  David Bowie!  What empty nester doesn't love David Bowie!

"A Princess Bride" 1987 - Now some fantasy films are so good that they stretch the boundaries between fantasy and realism lovers.  This one is a classic of the classics.  If you haven't seen this movie, I'm not sure you are human...

"Willow" 1988 - It's interesting that this film by the infamous George Lucas ended up as a rather obscure fantasy film - one of the  first starring roles for Val Kilmer

Those are some of the best of the best in my opinion.  of course following decades had some good ones too -

Some of my favorites are: 

90's - Edward Scissorhands, Harry Potter, Jumanji, and...

"Warriors of Virtue" - I don't usually love Chinese American films, but this one was exceptional directed by Ronny Yu

Then come the 2000's which have found themselves with new fantasy and remodeling or reissuing old ones...Here are some of my favs - 



Lord of the Rings (J.R. Tolkein original writing 1937, revised 1949, and the huge epic films in the 2000's)

The Hobbit (J.R. Tolkien 1937 - and obviously the new films still promising epic fantasy viewing)

Pans Labrynth (an Italian film 2006 by Gullermo del Toro - now this is an interesting film mixing the reality of the Holocaust with some very dark fantasy - definately a film for the adult with a strong stomach)

Phoebe in Wonderland (this is a 2008 independent film by director Daniel Barnz and is a tough find - but what a great film - mixing the reality of schizophrenia and fantasy - one of my favorites for sure - worth the watch if you can find it)



And FINALLY - I know this blog is ridiculously long - I could go on - this is just a touch of what I love about fantasy - and let it be known - the best way to indulge is through the books - they are so much better than the films... so...

so FINALLY - My favorite read of all time in the darker side of the fantasy world is "The Historian".  it's not really a horror novel - but more like an historical fantastical eerie tale  - 

So are you a reader?  Let me know what you like!  Oh - and I have to say one thing -  I do disagree with the ending of one of the above stories -  "Labrynth" in the end, the girl is brought to reality and realizes she is too old to live in a fantasy world so she throws out everything that has to do with fantasy - her toys, her collections, her books, her dolls, her costumes - everything.  WHAAAAT?!!!!  

 While I realize we can't function in the world of fantasy - I think we all need to go there once in a while.  No matter how old you are!  C'mon Mr. Hensen - we all know this would never be the road you would have taken - way to crush a daydream!  

In fact if you want to give fantasy a try - a good start would be with a brand new book just put on Amazon written by my friend Scott Keen

"Scar of the Downers"
You can pre-order it today!  It's a great place to start!  

Happy Anniversary

As an almost empty nester I have been through many many lifetime changes.

I know it's hard to believe because I look so young (mhmm, I said that) - but believe me - this broad has a  lot of life under her belt.

Today is my 33rd wedding anniversary and I have to say that one sweet thing about getting older.  is that Wedding anniversaries actually get better.

I don't know, maybe it's a pride thing (wow we made it!),

Or maybe it's just that we experience so many things together that we feel like our bond is solid.

Maybe it's this little family we have created and it's our safe place,

Or maybe it's just that trusting in true love really is everlasting.

Because let's face it - if you have been in love for real you know that
  Love can be blissful
  Love can be hurtful
  Love can be messy
  Love can be beautiful
  Love can be ugly
  Love  can make us sane
  Love can make us crazy
  Love can be a scary place
  and Love can feel like a safe place.

If ever we needed to feel like we are in a safe place it's now.  But with that we just have to accept all the other things that come with it because most if not all of those "cans" in that list will inevitably be "wills" at one time or another - but here's the key - never give up!

Well, I feel kind of preachy today so I'm just going to post some pictures for you that represents my 33 years with the man that I promised I would go through life with ...

pre - marriage...

bliss...

a good day before the palsey

       today, still a good day, after the palsey                        

                   two beauties that God gave to us...

                         
                                  another special gift to our little family

















And after 33 years we can have a little more fun in gift giving for anniversary rather than following the anniversary calendar of silver, gold, white - whatever -  check it out!

the most decadent chocolate covered strawberries from our thoughtful daughters...  notice how they had to tell me to share - some things we just have to keep working on...ha

new running sneakers (or tennis shoes for you non-native north country-ers) as a gift of encouragement from my hubby!  How sweet!


Getting ready to hit the treadmill....

and of course since I am working on being healthier and that includes learning more about the worst job ever - food preparation, Ronnie knew these would give me some motivation...







One last word of advice:  a great way to keep a marriage healthy and happy is to know when some things just won't ever change...

Random Saturday Musing

Well it's Saturday and this has been quite a week.  

It started out great 





and then this happened 

that is my blowdryer (that I have had for at least 6 years) and as silly as it sounds, it has grown on me.  Because as all fine-haired girls know, you cannot live without a blowdryer,



SOOO........

TaDa!!!


(ok ok, this lasted about a week and I went out and bought a new one)  But I will miss my old staple of a hairdryer.  sigh






I know this seems trivial and ridiculous - but I have a love hate relationship with my hair.  I hate that I have thin fine hair but I'm glad I have hair.  But I also hate messing with my hair - blow and go - that's my hair motto - possibly a braid or barrette here or there.  But then even talking about hair and hair products seems so ridiculous to me.  There are so many more major things to be talking about.  I have so much product that I don't even use!

C'mon, how many of you have cupboards with this kind of stuff in them - in my defense some of them were gifts.  :)

Now to change the subject - today, I'm very tired, so this is where my mind went -  why am i tired?  Well...

For one thing Ronnie is sick.  Sore throat, fever, blah blah blah

   Honey!!!  I'm pretty sure my temperature is 201!  

Me:  turn it the other way around.  It's 102
Him:  Ohhhh.  Ahhhhh.  I can't take this....feel me am I hot? 
Me:  You'll be fine, go to sleep...
Him:  I can't sleep....feel my head
Me: No, you're all sweaty - I can see that you're hot...eww

three days now - yep three days -  poor guy really is sick, but seriously...

I tried to get him to drink Dragons Breath (ginger root, lemon and cajun pepper blended together) to get rid of the yuk - but he wasn't having any of that...

Him: I'm not drinking any of your witch doctor concoctions
Him the next day:  This Alka Seltzer doesn't even work

Haha.  

Then I realized last night that Cassie had a track meet and wasn't going to be home until around midnight - 

Well guess who now has to go pick her up because the hubs is too sick - me!  yay!  not.  

So I am tired - but life is good - I'm thankful I have time right this minute to  go take a nap. 

I was just distracted by the most ridiculous Depends commercial.  Everyone was walking around in their underwear - everyone - no pants.  Mercy -  I don't believe there should be commercials for Depends - being an almost empty nester I shudder at the thought.  Now I might have to hang out a little longer to see a nice hair commercial. 

Ok, now I'm being random.  Good night (I mean afternoon)  

Food Thoughts

We are well into the new year, and I am well on my way to a healthier lifestyle.  I've been reading this book called "Trim Healthy Mama" and am trying to learn to eat healthier.

Now, if you know me at all, you know that I loathe (and I do mean loathe) food preparation of any kind.

However, I do know a few things...


For instance, I am an expert on chocolate. And there are certain things that you just do and do not do when it comes to chocolate.

I know that if you eat chocolate, and then you don't eat chocolate, the potential for a "lack of chocolate headache" is imminent.

I know that dark chocolate is a healthier choice (but if you're a true chocolate lover like myself, the dark is not your favorite).

I know that if you only like white chocolate, you are also not a true chocolate lover although you are closer than those who prefer dark chocolate.


Something very important...when eating different types or brands of chocolate you have to go up the scale and not the other way around.  Let me give you some examples...

For instance if you have a random chocolate...let's say easter egg and  a reese's peanut butter cup,you must eat the easter egg chocolate first.  Since reese's (these examples are all in my humble opinion of course) is a better grade of chocolate, that has to be eaten second or the egg will lose its pizzaz.

The same goes if you have a reese's and a hershey's kiss.  The Reese's must be eaten first as hershey's is way better.

Another example is if you have a hershey's kiss and a Lindt ball.  Now if you have never had a Lindt ball, you must run out and get one - almost nothing touches a Lindt ball for chocolate.  Ghiradelli might be a close second, but I think it just slightly misses the mark.

Other things I could tell you about chocolate include:
    if you're going to put chocolate in your milk, hershey's all of a sudden becomes top shelf
    if you're going to melt chocolate for a recipe, you will eat some first (it can't be avoided)
 

Okay, so how did I get on a rant about chocolate?  Oh, I know, I'm eating healthier and learning (ugh, double ugh) to prepare food in a healthier way

so of course...

I'M OBSESSED WITH CHOCOLATE!!

but...all is not lost - I am actually in the midst of making a healthy egg-muffin breakfast with lots of spinach, onions and peppers

and..I am adding the "full of antioxidants" blood orange (see, I'm learning a thing or two) on the side

I love oranges and these are super healthy, but I'm still having a hard time getting the whole blood thing out of my mind so of course they taste like blood to me.  Well not really, I mean, well sort of, but they're sweet, and good, and red - dark dark red, and...

Chocolate!!!!!!!!

.

Out With the Old, in with the New - Sort Of

As I get older and am  blessed enough to be able to ring in another new year, I have not made any new year resolutions yet for 2015.  

I am just thinking day to day and feel lucky enough that I had the energy to decorate my house for Christmas - 


and then this happened....

Yeah, that's me taking down Christmas - I normally find myself standing in the midst of the biggest part of the mess saying to myself, "why do I go Christmas decoration crazy every year?  Ugh!"  

But I didn't do that this year.  For some reason I found myself counting my blessings over and over again.  (well, my feet did hurt a little after say...5 hours)  but...

-the house was warm and cozy through the season
-my kids came home and loved the decorations
-my husband didn't complain and I think he secretly loved them too
-I didn't pressure myself this time with "getting it done".  I just took my time and was constantly reminded about "the reason for the season"

I know, it sounds corny - but it was really something unfamiliar to me during the holiday season.  I'm usually stressed about so many things, but not this year.  

So now the house is all back to normal and cleared out. See?

We had some great friends over on New Year' Eve - you can see by the picture that the children were having a great time while the adults were in the dining room eating and reminiscing and eating some more...

my friend Dalton pretending to enjoy himself

my other friend Rylan - having a New Year's Eve blast...

This was actually the first time in around 5 years that Ronnie and I were able to stay up to watch the ball drop!  (even though all we talked about was how uncomfortable all those people must have been in those metal pens in Times Square...and gee- how did they go to the bathroom, and what a mess to clean up in the morning!  Haha - good times)  

So although I have no actual resolution, I'm simply saying "I'm done with 2014 - I'm glad I was able to be here for the whole thing good and bad.  Thank you God for 2015 - let's see what it brings". And as Peter Frampton penned in his song donning the same title back in the day - "I want You to show me the way, I want You day after day".  

That made all the difference at the end of 2014, so I'm sticking with that.  

Then.......on the 2nd day of the New Year this happened...

I could cry (I might have a little), or I could swear (but that wouldn't help anything), or I could reach into the toilet really quickly, dry my iPhone 6 off and pretend it didn't happen (which is what I did) but then....the dreaded red screen and then...dead.  Arghhhhh!  #stupednewyearmoves

  OR...

I could just make a trip to the Apple Store in Syracuse, chock it all up to my first New Year adventure, get a new phone (Thank God I purchased the Apple Care Plus! whew!), when I titled this blog "Out with the old in with the new", I had no idea it would be so literal!  ...the girls had fun anyway! 

Happy New Year everyone!